escape from paradise

i've always been fascinated with breaking out of prison. i feel like in another life i'm suppose to be in prison, trying to get out, a dream i probably share with nobody else. but with so many good movies based around these incredible escapes how can you blame me? shawshank is probably a top 10 movie for just about everyone. cool hand luke is one of my top fives and should be on everyone's, i mean you don't even have to like prison escapes what with paul newman starring. the last castle, the great escape, the rock?! ah, movie prison breaks.

sadly i've been sucked into the tv show "prison break" for the past couple of weeks. i'm not proud of this, at all. now, i probably watch more tv on dvd than just about anyone in this world, but i have my limits. after my crack-like addiction to "alias" years ago i vowed (and put a personal ban) on watching tv shows that suck you in and force you to watch more episodes based on cliffhangers. shows that have all that drama and action packed into 40 minutes that captivate and thrill you and leave you wanting more just feels like some sort of drug to me. 5 minutes after the last episode i contemplate running to the video store to get my next fix disc, yet 1 hour after watching shows like these i could care less (let alone remember) what happens next.

while going through withdrawl and panic attacks from not having the next disc of prison break last week i stumbled upon a real-life prison break to hold me over........right where i live!

admittitdly the prison breaks that happen where i live are nothing like the ones i see on tv shows and movies, they're better! they're better because THEY HAPPEN ALL THE TIME. i'm not even joking: if somehow you actually got caught by our law enforcement officers (virtually impossible in itself) we have a prison for you to relax in before you escape (walk out the front door). those that get caught for rape, murder, or stealing in these islands get locked down, but unfortunately our prison either has an open gate policy or complete fucktards running it. hell, we have officers down here that forget they're the ones that need to PREVENT rape instead of doing it themselves.

so we did catch the escaped murderers from last week, which is good. and by catch i mean we shot one that eventually died and we caught one of the others. one was caught when getting onto a safari taxi, which doesn't make sense since hitch-hiking is so popular in these islands and we don't have any of these signs:



a side effect of researching all this prison escape drama and horror is all the laughs that come with it; which sadly is, well, sad. if you're not from around these parts then do yourself a favor and read a few articles like this one from the st. croix source. when you're done just type "golden grove" into the more articles search at the bottom of the page (i can't make a link work). remember, our virgin island goverment and law enforcement is an absolute joke, we know this and they know this - but if you can't fix it then at least laugh at it, or with it, or something. if you find yourself reading the actual articles then perhaps you'll have the same laughs i did about how our prisoners are somehow able to carry their own guns and sneak microwave ovens into their cells.

*UPDATE* Virgin Island Police Department Dispatcher helped inmates escape!

*UPDATE - TOP SECRET!* "NEARLY 100 INMATES MOVED FROM GOLDEN GROVE PRISON TO A MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON IN THE UNITED STATES" this is top secret, there is no link yet.

*UPDATE* TOOTHPASTE CAP USED IN ESCAPE!

*COMPLETELY UNRELATED!* FATHER CHARGED WITH TAKING DRUGS INTO GOLDEN GROVE PRISON TO HIS SON. it gets better......the father WORKS AT GOLDEN GROVE!