Sunday, July 15, 2007

a mishmash of gas station frustration

something tells me you can't read that sign without laughing:


recent major development on st. john: we have a new gas station. well, let me say that again a different way: we have an old gas station that has made major upgrades and is now open again. this "new" gas station is called e.c. gas.

last summer we had 3 gas stations on the island, which is actually pretty impressive. but then the v.i. government decided to shut one of them down (texaco) and turn it into a "round-about." on june 1st 2006 this station was closed. on this same date one of the other three stations (e.c. gas) decided they would also shut down to make major renovations. perfect timing. this left us 1 gas station on the island - in coral bay, 9 miles from town. the timing of both gas station closings was done in typical st john fashion - "lets just do whatever doesn't make sense." if i'm the gas station that is shutting down to make renovations i'm thinking that i'd find a different time schedule to shut down, i mean why not take advantage of being the only gas station in town for awhile? but then again that would make sense, and nothing on this island makes sense.

it took two weeks (and lots of unhappy residents and tourists) before the government decided that maybe they should choose a different date to construct this roundabout. the texaco station was re-opened and everyone was happy.

new proposed shut down date: june 1st 2007. today (july 7th) the texaco station closed to start construction, and let me explain the process: now that they've shut the station down they're going to immediately start building. and by immediately i mean they're going to start in may '08. you see, the government has yet to send the contract out to bid - they hope to get bids back by feb. '08. construction once begun in may '08 would be completed in may 2010. if you know anything about construction on st john you realize that this is a pipe dream, actually construction might be completed by 2015. this is not a lie or exaggeration.

you have to understand that this texaco station sits in the middle of town, pretty much blocking all entrance and exits to cruz bay. while i agree it needs to be removed i simply don't understand why they are going to spend so much time completely blocking all entrance and exit roads to town. i'm also thinking that if they have yet to even send the contract out to bid that the station could remain open? perhaps close the station the day before construction begins, say 11 months from now? but then again that would make sense, which would be the wrong way to do it.

on a related note that only other gas station in town, e.c. gas........was closed today because they ran out of gas (see picture). if you recall e.c. gas doesn't seem to have the best timing. lets just think about something: say you're the only gas station in town because the other one was forced to close. lets also say that as owner you can buy your gas at the wholesale price of $2.37/gal. from a st. croix refinery and sell it at $4.21/gal. (.07 is tax, and for reference stations in the states make pennies on each gallon sold not dollars). now say you just made some major renovations so that you can take 10 cars at a time. if i'm the owner of this station i'd be ready to count my chickens before they've hatched! i own the only place anyone can buy gas in this town! holy shit! i'm gonna need to buy a couple dump trucks just to bring all my cash to the bank! oh no no no, instead they have some retard running the place that wouldn't be able to find his ass with two hands and a set of directions - which would explain how he picked the most inopportune time possible to not order more gas. remember, st john "we do whatever doesn't make sense"

on st. john we have something everyone in the states can remember but rarely experiences anymore: full service gas. and by full service i mean self serve. at the previous texaco you'd be a fool to wait for the attendant to fill your car with gas. with all the new renovations to the new e.c. gas station came a new way of doing business: self serve and prepay gas! yes! we've been waiting for a completely moronic way of purchasing gasoline on this island! 10 brand new pumps complete with DIGITAL GAUGES! and none of these new pumps have that crazy stupid ridiculous idea that never took off "pay at the pump"
feature! oh wait. oh. wait.

so when purchasing gas on st. john you first wait in line to give the attendant your credit card and drivers license or cash, then walk back to the pump, attempt to pump, walk back to the booth because he turned on the wrong pump, wait in line to tell him this, pump your gas, walk back to the booth to wait in line and sign two receipts, then walk back to your car and drive off. whoever thought of prepay gas should be shot dead immediately. need i go into the cost benefits of prepay vs. pay at the pump?
st john "we do whatever doesn't make sense"

next time on razyboy.com: remember that scene from zoolander at the gas station? you never know.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

living on island time

i live on a rock south of where you're sitting right now.

its warmer here than where you are, and "we're all here 'cuz we're all not there" - or so the saying goes.

i guess i've been here just over 2 years. sometimes it feels like eternity and sometimes it feels like just yesterday that i arrived. i'd say i have a pretty pessimistic view of this island, in that i seem to find many negatives and many many things that frustrate me. the problem is that i still love this place though i'm wondering how many frustrations i can take before i break. some examples of how i'm going to break:




best quote from a U.S. Postal Service employee in st. john, after i asked why we hadn’t received any mail in almost three weeks: “you see mon, it be da slow season now, so da mail be a bit slower dan usual…..mon” - you had to see my face after hearing this.

why am i paying $4.27 for a gallon of gas? in the virgin islands we have no tax on gas so where in the christ is all that extra money going? we have 2 gas stations, and usually one of them has gas. the price per gallon isn'’t advertised anywhere. actually that’'s not true, one of them advertises $1.87 per gallon but i don’t think its been that low all this decade. a typical fill-up goes something like this:

me: “good afternoon sir, can i get a fill-up with regular please?”
attendant: “no problem mon, but we not takin da credit cards today”
me: (taking the last minute to piece together each word so i can understand what he said) “oh, ok, so then i'’ll just take $50 worth. how much is it a gallon anyway?”
attendant: (after looking at my car and sizing me up and down, and hopefully realizing i’m not a tourist) “um, about $4.00 a gallon mon.”

ABOUT $4.00 a gallon?! ABOUT!? how can the price be about $4.00? and why do you randomly not accept credit cards? why do i have to wait days at a time for gas because you won’'t take credit cards? who has $80 in their wallet for gas?

I asked our phone company (Innovative Telephone) why we don’t get a pro-rated monthly charge for all of the outages we have each month. I tell them each month we lose our service every three days or so for a period of 2 –- 5 days. they tell me they can’'t predict outages and that they currently have no refund policy if you lose more than 15 days of service a month. WE HAVE NO TELEPHONE SERVICE FOR HALF THE MONTH, WHAT THE CHRIST ARE WE PAYING FOR!? – not quite as innovative a response as i’d like.

how is our electricity bill $90 a month? we don’t even have electricity most days.

how is it that you can drive with an open alcoholic beverage, yet not without your seatbelt? same issue: why are 12 out of the 12 traffic violations so far this year on st. john violations for not wearing seat belts? i realize there'’s only one stop sign on the island, but nobody (myself included) has ever stopped at it.

number of reported crimes on st. john so far this year: 172
number of solved crimes: 1
side note: they were not happy when i called to congratulate them after i heard of their first solved crime

we have no laws down here. none. we consider ourselves part of the united states yet none of the laws apply. you can do whatever you want whenever you want and never worry about paying the price. charge whatever you want for the products you sell, drink and drive, kill somebody, it doesn’'t matter we have no laws and absolutely no authority.

i propose a new tagline for st. john: st. john, always meeting your expectations. or: st. john, never meeting your expectations. either would be appropriate depending on your positive or negative view on the island in general.

next time on razyboy.com - i meet your expectations