living on island time
i live on a rock south of where you're sitting right now.
its warmer here than where you are, and "we're all here 'cuz we're all not there" - or so the saying goes.
i guess i've been here just over 2 years. sometimes it feels like eternity and sometimes it feels like just yesterday that i arrived. i'd say i have a pretty pessimistic view of this island, in that i seem to find many negatives and many many things that frustrate me. the problem is that i still love this place though i'm wondering how many frustrations i can take before i break. some examples of how i'm going to break:
best quote from a U.S. Postal Service employee in st. john, after i asked why we hadnt received any mail in almost three weeks: you see mon, it be da slow season now, so da mail be a bit slower dan usual ..mon - you had to see my face after hearing this.
why am i paying $4.27 for a gallon of gas? in the virgin islands we have no tax on gas so where in the christ is all that extra money going? we have 2 gas stations, and usually one of them has gas. the price per gallon isn't advertised anywhere. actually that's not true, one of them advertises $1.87 per gallon but i dont think its been that low all this decade. a typical fill-up goes something like this:
me: good afternoon sir, can i get a fill-up with regular please?
attendant: no problem mon, but we not takin da credit cards today
me: (taking the last minute to piece together each word so i can understand what he said) oh, ok, so then i'll just take $50 worth. how much is it a gallon anyway?
attendant: (after looking at my car and sizing me up and down, and hopefully realizing im not a tourist) um, about $4.00 a gallon mon.
ABOUT $4.00 a gallon?! ABOUT!? how can the price be about $4.00? and why do you randomly not accept credit cards? why do i have to wait days at a time for gas because you won't take credit cards? who has $80 in their wallet for gas?
I asked our phone company (Innovative Telephone) why we dont get a pro-rated monthly charge for all of the outages we have each month. I tell them each month we lose our service every three days or so for a period of 2 - 5 days. they tell me they can't predict outages and that they currently have no refund policy if you lose more than 15 days of service a month. WE HAVE NO TELEPHONE SERVICE FOR HALF THE MONTH, WHAT THE CHRIST ARE WE PAYING FOR!? not quite as innovative a response as id like.
how is our electricity bill $90 a month? we dont even have electricity most days.
how is it that you can drive with an open alcoholic beverage, yet not without your seatbelt? same issue: why are 12 out of the 12 traffic violations so far this year on st. john violations for not wearing seat belts? i realize there's only one stop sign on the island, but nobody (myself included) has ever stopped at it.
number of reported crimes on st. john so far this year: 172
number of solved crimes: 1
side note: they were not happy when i called to congratulate them after i heard of their first solved crime
we have no laws down here. none. we consider ourselves part of the united states yet none of the laws apply. you can do whatever you want whenever you want and never worry about paying the price. charge whatever you want for the products you sell, drink and drive, kill somebody, it doesn't matter we have no laws and absolutely no authority.
i propose a new tagline for st. john: st. john, always meeting your expectations. or: st. john, never meeting your expectations. either would be appropriate depending on your positive or negative view on the island in general.
next time on razyboy.com - i meet your expectations
its warmer here than where you are, and "we're all here 'cuz we're all not there" - or so the saying goes.
i guess i've been here just over 2 years. sometimes it feels like eternity and sometimes it feels like just yesterday that i arrived. i'd say i have a pretty pessimistic view of this island, in that i seem to find many negatives and many many things that frustrate me. the problem is that i still love this place though i'm wondering how many frustrations i can take before i break. some examples of how i'm going to break:
best quote from a U.S. Postal Service employee in st. john, after i asked why we hadnt received any mail in almost three weeks: you see mon, it be da slow season now, so da mail be a bit slower dan usual ..mon - you had to see my face after hearing this.
why am i paying $4.27 for a gallon of gas? in the virgin islands we have no tax on gas so where in the christ is all that extra money going? we have 2 gas stations, and usually one of them has gas. the price per gallon isn't advertised anywhere. actually that's not true, one of them advertises $1.87 per gallon but i dont think its been that low all this decade. a typical fill-up goes something like this:
me: good afternoon sir, can i get a fill-up with regular please?
attendant: no problem mon, but we not takin da credit cards today
me: (taking the last minute to piece together each word so i can understand what he said) oh, ok, so then i'll just take $50 worth. how much is it a gallon anyway?
attendant: (after looking at my car and sizing me up and down, and hopefully realizing im not a tourist) um, about $4.00 a gallon mon.
ABOUT $4.00 a gallon?! ABOUT!? how can the price be about $4.00? and why do you randomly not accept credit cards? why do i have to wait days at a time for gas because you won't take credit cards? who has $80 in their wallet for gas?
I asked our phone company (Innovative Telephone) why we dont get a pro-rated monthly charge for all of the outages we have each month. I tell them each month we lose our service every three days or so for a period of 2 - 5 days. they tell me they can't predict outages and that they currently have no refund policy if you lose more than 15 days of service a month. WE HAVE NO TELEPHONE SERVICE FOR HALF THE MONTH, WHAT THE CHRIST ARE WE PAYING FOR!? not quite as innovative a response as id like.
how is our electricity bill $90 a month? we dont even have electricity most days.
how is it that you can drive with an open alcoholic beverage, yet not without your seatbelt? same issue: why are 12 out of the 12 traffic violations so far this year on st. john violations for not wearing seat belts? i realize there's only one stop sign on the island, but nobody (myself included) has ever stopped at it.
number of reported crimes on st. john so far this year: 172
number of solved crimes: 1
side note: they were not happy when i called to congratulate them after i heard of their first solved crime
we have no laws down here. none. we consider ourselves part of the united states yet none of the laws apply. you can do whatever you want whenever you want and never worry about paying the price. charge whatever you want for the products you sell, drink and drive, kill somebody, it doesn't matter we have no laws and absolutely no authority.
i propose a new tagline for st. john: st. john, always meeting your expectations. or: st. john, never meeting your expectations. either would be appropriate depending on your positive or negative view on the island in general.
next time on razyboy.com - i meet your expectations
thrown together by raz at 7:01 PM
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