dear brad pitt,

yes, yes yes yes yes. it is now ok to date that tomb raider girl. you've been divorced for like 2 weeks now, which in Hollywood time equals about eternity plus 5 years. time to start dating other women that are half your age and just as hot as you think you are.

now, most ladies that meet me probably think "overwhelmingly handsome." i also happen to be absolutely hilarious. and i can't say being creatively wild in the sack doesn't help. BUT. what i don't have is the name brad pitt, which means that there aren't 50 bazillion smokin' ladies out there ready to fuck my brains out simply because my name is brad pitt. your name has +EV, lets start taking advantage of that, yes?

did you forget already that your name is brad pitt? time to do a little name dropping with the ladies around town! for example, this would be all it would take: "hi, my name is brad pitt. brad pitt, hee hee, i even like saying my own name. brad pitt. the brad pitt. that's my name, brad pitt." you see, it doesn't matter what you say, the name alone gives you a license to fuck. and what part of license to fuck are you not understanding? its simple, you walk up to someone young and beautiful and famous and has a name that starts with scarlett and ends with gorgeous. show her your license to fuck card, two minutes later you're laid. you have the card brad, use the damn card.

or wait, hold that fuck just one second. what if the sexiest woman on the planet, the most sexually daring, the badess-ass woman in the world, approaches you? brad, this is ANGELINA FUCKING HOTNESS JOLIE we're talking about. she is just bad, with a capital ass. she is fuck, with a capital now. so what the ass are you waiting for?

explain immediately.


raz