ice cold juice

hmm, which of the statements below might describe raz best.

1) raz drinks iced coffee like tomorrow is the end of the world and he may forget what it tastes like if he died during the explosion. raz drinks iced coffee from starbucks or peet’s, he has no real preference. just as long as it's not the dunkin fucks iced mud. raz generally drinks about 2 iced coffees at work, more if he’s not. raz doesn’t know there is such thing as a “small” or “medium” iced coffee possibility, he only knows how to order large or venti. raz prefers to call iced coffee “the juice.”raz gets higher than a kite whenever he’s on the juice. raz is very much high on the juice as he writes this. raz has been known to do lots of stupid work very fast while on the juice at work. raz knows that he drinks too much juice but just can’t seem to stop. raz is addicted to the juice.

2) raz does not drink iced coffee. ever.

dude, we def did not connect, you def are not missed

you: the guy who posted an ad on craigslist for an apartment in central square. you lived by yourself in a two bedroom place and were looking for someone to fill a vacant room

me: that hot chick that you interviewed for the room at 8pm last night.

i walked up the steps to knock on your door and i think i saw you peering out the window. were you wanting to get a “pre-look” at me before opening up the door? you really think you can get a good vibe from someone just by one glance?

but i knocked. you opened the door immediately.........with a beer in hand for me. nice. a bit odd, a bit different, a bit warm. i don’t like warm beer. also, had it been a sam adams or long trail you would have scored points. the warm can of bud light should have sent off warning bells.

lets get one thing straight first before we go on – i know i’m pretty. i know i wear nice things. i know my hair is to die for. i don’t try hard, which is convenient, but once in a while i’ll wear some special outfits and actually attempt to make a good first impression. last night was one of those nights. however, i don’t need to hear the following from someone i met 10 seconds ago and could potentially be living with as a roommate in less than a week:

you: “damn liz, put on the sexy outfit today?” & “wow, i can smell your hair from here, it smells great!”

me: “a-heh heh, well......always looking to make a good first impression!”

moments later stepping into the living room: the first thing i noticed was that i was not the first person you had look at the room. how could i tell? your notepad of interviewees was sitting on the coffee table. a quick scan of the list while trying to keep a conversation with you got me a little freaked. next to each name of the three people before me was a “hot or not” note. apparently jill was “semi-hot & nice tits,” avery was “dog-ass ugly,” and alley was “sort of fuckable.” the next three names, including mine, had nothing next to them. i didn’t understand, i thought you had a room to rent? what was with the “fuckable or not” notes?

not doing well here guy. but because i felt bad and knew this couldn’t last longer than a few more minutes i decided to be nice and continue the tour.

next came the room showing. you told me ahead of time that the room wasn’t available “just yet.” though you failed to mention it was because you were currently using the room as a small zoo. yes i was surprised to see so many ferrets, parrots, gerbils, jackrabbits, snakes, and fish in one room. no i did not like it when you told me you were planning on “letting them roam free about the apartment” when someone moved into the room. yes i felt bad for you when you told me you needed the extra rent money to buy food for everyone, the ferrets especially. no, there is no good explanation as to why you have 4 huge jackrabbits in your apartment, don’t try. yes, i did like some of your pets – the fish.

nothing could help you now. nothing. there was no way i was even remotely interested in the room, and i have a feeling i wasn’t the only one that night with the same feelings.

things got weird though didn’t they? i thought it was strange when there was no price for the room on the craigslist ad. it sounded like the ideal location though and had parking so i had to call. thinking back now i can’t believe how clever you were in getting me there without ever quoting me a price. you were clever, i was stupid - because when i asked you how much the room was after the showing you kind of smiled big and wide and said:

“well, ideally we could work out a kind of half-pay half-fuck kind of deal if you get my drift. see, i need to feed everyone which is why we couldn’t do a straight-fuck plan. but if you really wanted to do that then maybe i could work something out because you are pretty hot after all.”

my jaw fell to the floor. my kate spade handbag fell against your head. my black prada mary-jane pumps fell against your balls. and my angry screaming fit of nastiness fell upon your ears.

i have your phone number you freak. i know where you live you freak. someday when you least expect it i’m going to break in and let all of those jackrabbits back out into the wild, you freak. look who’s smiling now, you freak.

craigslist post

the new york yankees; a complete review

- yankees suck

oh dolly

really nice + really pretty + really good sheep herder = a tribe has spoken

nobody on survivor impressed me more than dolly. right from the start i could tell she would do well. and she did. too well. her tribe was worried she was too nice and too hot to keep around. she couldn't go against anyone and form an alliance to vote someone off so the tribe decided to vote her off.

yes i'm pissed. she's out and yes i'm pissed that a tv show has made me feel this way.

dolly, i know you read this blog, i feel for you. give me a call, i'll talk you through it babe.

some recent thoughts:

- hmm, zach braff gets a few more comments from each post than i tend to
- even though i never get to watch stewart he still finds a way to rock my world. check out his convo with bill o’reilly via the best damn blogger in the world.
- the yankees suck
- its been awhile since i’ve slept with a playmate. hef, hook me up already.
- irony just happens. if you want irony you won’t find it. you have to wait for it. anyway, its just better that way. but if you got some then i need some.

song that is me: i am a rock, simon & g. oh yes, i am an island.
song that i wish was me: some girls, stones
rock star i’d trade places with in a minute: mick jagger – duh, is there anyone cooler? dude is 85 and can rock it harder than you any day.



movie star i’d trade places with in a minute: luke or owen wilson (sorry andrew).
movie that is me: christ, you know this ain’t easy?
movie that i wish was me: magnolia or cool hand luke

isn’t it always the case?:
- when you forget to turn your cell phone ringer off at night you’ll get a call just as soon as you fall asleep.
- each season the red sox will get you going then let you down.
- that when you’re down you get kicked the hardest?

true enough

i’d had enough of poker once it got to be 7:30am one saturday morning at foxwoods. 10+ hours at the table was enough for me, i was finished. a miserable night of bad beats and i was lucky to be almost even. finally. cashed out and made my way to the spa for a little rest and relaxation before another “session.”

stumbled into the spa half dead and ready for some rest. a quick shower and i’m in my suit headed for the lounge chairs near the pool.

now its 9am and i just woke up from a little resty rest.

a couple of laps later and i’m awake again, ready to jump out of the pool and read the paper. and while none of this story is true, lets just pretend, shall we? please?

ok, here we go: i’m climbing out of the pool using one of those pool ladders they have in the deep end. the entire place in empty and quiet because its ass-early in the morning and nobody is awake at a casino this early.

except.

except for someone just walking in and putting a towel down on a lounge chair. lets pretend she’s young and attractive, and maybe 30, because at this point i can’t tell, what with her back to me and the towel that’s wrapped around her. all i can tell is that she must have just taken a shower because her hair is soaked. all this i can tell in perhaps 5 seconds.

and then the miracle happens.

and how did i get so lucky? how am i in the right spot at the right time? i’m never in the right spot at the right time, save for this one moment:

i’ve got my hands on the ladder, about to pull myself out of the water up to the first step when she takes off the towel that is wrapped around her. no big deal, right? well, no big deal if you remembered to put on your bathing suit after showering. suddenly there is a naked woman standing in front of me, which confuses the hell out of me. no way is this right. naked. wet. in front of me.

the next 2 seconds: she scares herself by letting out a little yelp. the yelp and the naked body combined make me lose my grip on the ladder and i fall back into the pool, only to come back up and see her wrapped in the towel again. are you picturing this scene? can you believe any of this?

she’s smiling and laughing and blushing and gathering her bag of stuff to head back to the bathroom and i’m just as embarrassed as she is because i’m shy as hell and feel all bad about the situation.

as soon as she’s out of the pool area i grab my shit, dry myself off, and head to change because like hell i was going to be there when she came back to the pool all un-naked, that would be way too awkward and may have even involved actual conversation, which, after seeing her totally nude would have been entirely impossible.

only i do see her again. we bump into each other as i’m on the way in and she’s on the way back out. we kind of freeze as soon as we see each other, not knowing what to do. then we race towards each other and hug and kiss and grope and fondle and touch and stroke and rub and caress and end up having wild hot-tub sex. but only for like 15 minutes because it was so hot & steamy we could barely handle it – both the tub & the sex.

true, mean girls was a very good flick. true, i will be buying the dvd, in like 5 minutes. true, that lindsay lohan chick is some hot. true, i did in fact look at those lohan nipple pics that were posted on the web a while ago. who didnt? now you have. that chick is just dead hot and you know i’m not lying.

don’t let the ads for this flick fool you. this is no teen flick. well, maybe it is. but its good for the older crowd too, perhaps funnier, trust me. don’t see this movie if you liked New York Minute. hell, don’t see this movie if you actually watched New York Minute.

miss america fever

i can tell you a thing or two about the miss america pageant. i was there.

i got a call about 4 months ago. early in the morning. it was the pageant. they call every year. they wanted me to judge again, the swimsuit competition. they tell me i’m the best judge for the swimsuit portion of the pageant. i couldn’t deny. i told them i’d want my usual fee – to sleep with each of the contestants, all 52 or 50 or however many states there are. this they said would be no problem, same deal as last year. i told them it would have to be spread out over the entire year this time, i couldn’t do it all in one weekend like before. i just don’t have the sexual stamina of years past. plus it would be cool to sleep with someone new every week of the year. but like i said, they didn’t balk, they know who they’re asking, it would be no problem.

i get there last saturday morning, direct flight. i stay in the usual penthouse, i can’t tell you where. i review my notes they sent me a couple weeks ago – each contestant has the vitals on a glossy to help me prep for the swimsuit viewing. the glossy has a picture of them in a suit (all but 10 went with the bikini this year) on one side, and on the other is a list of their work-out schedule, tanning schedule, waxing regimen, who makes their suit, and their phone number. simple. easy.

i have a pile of 10 contestants that i want to keep an eye on later that night.

and later that night i’m just below the stage in the judging booth, along with 6 others that were judging other parts of the pageant. i don’t pay attention to anything but the swimsuit competition, i don’t want to be bias. you probably didn’t see any shots of me, but did you notice when miss north carolina kind of hesitated once she reached the end of the stage? that’s cause i winked at her, told her she’d be a finalist. did you notice how miss texas practically ran off the stage crying? that’s cause i told her texas blows my ass.

seriously, you can’t find a better judge than me. i don’t take any bribes, but what would they bribe me with if they could? money? have enough. sex? they all want to sleep with me anyway. drugs? i’d report them. let me tell you, its no easy task to find the best looking babe when they all look so gorgeous up there wearing practically nothing. i have my own method. i know you want to know. i know you think its all just baloney. i know nobody takes it as serious as it is. i know but i can’t tell you, it’d be a breach of my contract. ok, maybe one little secret cause its not really a secret –

Speedo spokesman Craig Brommers said the suits will make a splash in the Miss America telecast, which has been losing viewers in recent years.

"It does give the show and the pageant a sexy makeover that is right for the times but still in the tradition of honoring what Miss America stands for," said Brommers, vice president of marketing for Los Angeles-based Speedo.

Girolami said she feared that the contestants who wear one-piece suits won't score as well with judges. But Raz, one of the seven judges for Saturday night's pageant, said it takes more than curves or fitness to score high in swimsuit. "You may see someone on stage who doesn't have the ideal swimsuit. So then maybe I decide to help her out and score her on a fuckability factor instead, you never know, I try to be fair because I know they don't have much control over swimsuit choices" he said.

Miss Mississippi Jalin Wood looks at it another way. "I've always been told the swimsuit is won with the eyes, not the thighs," she said.

lots of boob on the new survivor: vanuatu (aka boobs: vanuatu). but then why wouldn’t there be? to get on the show you must be:

a) one hot-ticket of a model (male or female)
b) work construction (any area thereof, though highway is your best bet)
c) be a farmer (if you’re a pig farmer apply now for survivor 10. they love you)
d) a farmer or construction worker that is also a model

9 of 18 contestants fit into one of these categories.

lets review a contestant or two that fit category d from above on the latest survivor:

dolly - oh baby did they kill two birds with one stone in picking dolly. dolly is a shepherdess from rural pennsylvania who, like many shepherdess from rural USA, has found the time and money to spend her life traveling the world & meeting/spending time with every living president. shepherdess + boobs = survivor candidate

ami – who is currently a starbucks barista and model (though i never saw her in the recent playboy “starbucks issue”). ami as it turns out spent her entire childhood growing up on a farm. relation to some sort of farm life + boobs = survivor candidate

clearly boobs will get you places when it comes to survivor – just look at 3 of the 4 women that have won survivor: tina = boobs, jenna = boobs, amber = boobs, sandra = well, she was a fluke, rupert was suppose to win. or, look at the audition tapes of hopefulls such as eliza orlins. eliza, like so many others that send tapes for audition, knew that she had to throw some cleav into the mix. what does she do? she stands in the snow somewhere on the syracuse university campus and talks to us for about 2.2 seconds before removing her coat and showcasing her boobs while people walking by start whistling at her and saying “nice rack babe!”. a babe standing in the snow in just a bikini with people screaming “nice rack!” = survivor candidate. nice.

i don’t have nice boobs + i’m not a model + i didn’t grow up on a farm + i don’t herd sheep + i’ve never worked construction = i’ll never be a survivor candidate.

priceless gw pics

i read an interesting bit on W in Newsweek a couple days ago:

Sept. 20 issue - It's well documented that President George W. Bush was in a Florida classroom on 9/11 when chief of staff Andrew Card told him a second plane had hit the World Trade Center. But how did Bush learn about the first crash?
Two of his recollections are similar, but factually impossible. On Dec. 4, 2001, and Jan. 5, 2002, Bush told audiences he saw the first plane hit the tower on TV before he entered the classroom. But he couldn't have seen it; nobody saw it live on TV. Between those recountings, on Dec. 20, Bush told The Washington Post that Karl Rove told him. This isn't to say the president is a fabulist. He's just exhibiting a prominent example of a common memory glitch, says UCLA psychology fellow Dan Greenberg, who published a paper this summer in the journal Applied Cognitive Psychology called "President Bush's False Flashbulb Memory of 9/11/01."
Greenberg says this is more evidence that "flashbulb memories"—major events people remember "like it was yesterday"—are not as indelible as experts thought. (This was proved in a four-year study after the 1986 Challenger explosion, when witnesses dramatically altered their memories of the disaster.) Greenberg thinks Bush saw the first-tower crash footage replayed so often that it seemed as if he had seen it as it happened. Greenberg struggles to explain why Bush, having remembered events differently in his second recounting, went back to the original version. The White House declined to comment.

because most people place their hands over their stomachs in situations like this. so thoughtful during the 9/11/2004 ceremony at the white house:

quiz me

name: raz
location: cambridge, ma
hair color? maybe blonde? i want silver though
eye color: brown
age? between twenty and thirty
sexiest man ever? george clooney
do you like your breasts? can’t complain
color of your bathing suit: army green
is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? both
give me a book, movie, CD, and song recommendation. the theory of poker, garden state, mighty mouse – good news for someone, elliott smith – kiwi maddon 20/20.
what could you never tell your parents? that i have a blog
are you in a romantic relationship right now? many, though only in my dreams.
paper or plastic? paper, cause it can be recycled easier
favorite song lyric? “all of these awful things that i have heard, i don’t want to believe them, all i want is your word”
tell me a secret: this blog is a total lie
are you a good liar? no
if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? nothing
what's your favorite accent? those brits have it the best
are you on antidepressants? i probably should be
tell me a joke: W has a chance of being elected again
is there a song or a CD or something that you strongly associate with a certain event in your life? it’s funny, the other weekend i heard the ramones for the first time in a long time. i never listened to them really, but had a friend years back that did and was going to see them at the end of the summer. because she was going to see them she listened to them like all summer long till the concert. listening to them last weekend made me think back to that summer. very fun to think back about.
how have you changed in the past year? i’ve started a blog, i’ve grown a beard, and i’ve started dating like all the time.
what is one thing you want to do before you die? twins
do you like to travel? muchas
states you've been to: a lot, but not worth counting now
what countries have you been to? easy, the one i’m in now
where do/did you go to high school?: r-u high, randolph, vt
smoke cigarettes? never
lucky number: 27
favorite super hero: bill clinton
favorite sport: shuffleboard
worst mistake you ever made: can’t talk about that one on here
if you were an animal, what would you be? a tree
last cd you bought: that was forever and a year ago
last movie you saw: so was that
favorite tv channel: we get tv channels?
ever been arrested? yes, but less than 5 times.
ever had to have surgery? if plastic surgery counts.
kind of bike you had as a kid? schwinn
kind of phone: broken
lefty or righty: mostly righty
do you like your name? love it
what do you want to be when you grow up? happy
favorite concert you have been to? rolling stones, forty licks tour, boston
favorite board game: settlers or that nordstrome game
favorite drink: iced coffee
favorite sound: crickets chirping at night when you’re looking up at the stars
favorite smell: gasoline
drinks with or without ice cubes? always with
favorite thing to do on the weekends: play poker
favorite soundtrack: adaptation
what was the first thing you thought to yourself when you woke up this morning: god am i tired.
what are you doing after you finish this? 1st lunch.
who did you get this from: tony pierce

"i haven't even lied in like, the past two days"

never will there be a better movie than garden state. ever.

you know when a movie comes out and for some reason you just know you have to see it?

like, someone mentions it to you “have you seen anything about this new movie garden state?” and you answer “uh, no, i’ve heard the name i guess but no previews, no reviews, no ads, no hype, no nothing yet.”

so at this point it may already be out, or it may be coming out in like a month, you think a friend may have said it was out, you don’t know.

you’re walking around downtown one day very hungry when you stumble into the theatre with every intention of finding a movie you can fall asleep to after finishing your free popcorn because that’s the easiest and definitely the cheapest meal you can think of getting right now.

WELL HOLD THE FUCK ON.

you’re wearing hungry eyes, but you could swear you see that garden state is playing. your body is jolted awake now and you start to get jittery excited, like how when you know you’re about to get laid kind of jittery excited.

while waiting for the movie to start you kind of prep yourself about the possibility of disappointment. you don’t want to get too excited, but you just can’t help yourself. your leg starts shaking up and down, and you dream of being blown away. or maybe of just being blown.

and then just after the movie starts it ends. you’re sitting there telling yourself that it can’t be the end. it was too short. it was too good. those credits mean nothing, there’s more to come, there must be. but there isn’t.

so you walk out of the theatre wishing you were as cool as zach braff because zach braff is god. zach braff is your new idol. nobody has ever written a better movie than zach braff just has. nobody has ever directed a movie like zach braff just has. and nobody has come close to acting as well as zach braff just has. never have you seen more perfect characters. never have you been so moved by someone’s acting.

you’ve just fallen for a character in a movie. by all the characters in a movie. you’re just so damn frustrated because they were so awesome and it took a genius to put that movie together and it just flowed so well and the music rocked and the comedy was just perfectly dark and depressive and hard to catch if you’re a happy-go-lucky person. you like it because there has never been a better movie character than what zach braff has just played. if you could you’d marry him. now.

AND THEN WHY THE SHIT is natalie portman is so damn hot and why isn’t she still in harvard square so i could call her up and just hang like we did last year around this time?

best line of the movie? ha! you wish. see it yourself.

warning! this entry contains spoilers. lots.

i, ipod

tuesday was a happy day, a very happy day indeed.

for the past two years i’ve been dreaming of owning an ipod, but they were always out of my league. finally they came out with a cheaper version a couple months ago and i thought that i was getting close to making the purchase. last monday when a friend asked me what i wanted more, a digital camera or an ipod, i couldn’t answer and felt myself get frustrated. i couldn’t answer because it didn’t matter, i wasn’t going to be making a purchase anytime soon. the next day i was at work when i was talking to another friend about his purchase of an ibook. the current deal with apple is that when you purchase an ibook and an ipod you get a very healthy discount on the ipod. said friend was not interested in the ipod, which caught me off-guard. i asked him if he would mind if i purchased the heavily discounted (essentially free) ipod. when he said “sure, go ahead” i almost had a heart attack! never did i think i was going to be owning my very own ipod later that day! hell, just the other day an ipod purchase was still months, if not years away!

so i’m sure you all did the same when you purchased your first ipod, but just in case:

it was so much fun to put the box on my desk and just stare at it in disbelief before opening it. all those cool colors! also, i had to convince myself that it was actually mine, that i wasn’t dreaming. then of course i had to pick up the box it came in and kiss it like every 2 minutes. once in awhile i’d let out an uncontrolled chirp of excitement, then look around to see if anyone saw me.

i waited to get home before opening the package. having never opened anything by apple i was quite impressed with all the design and thought that goes into the packaging, making the whole process of opening it a fun surprise.

a couple hours later i went to visit a friend who was nice enough to get me started on setting it up and let me download a crap fuck of songs (20 gigs).

the best part about owning one? not having to listen to one of the 3 cd’s i’ve had at work for like the past year. now instead of looking through like 40 songs i’d heard a million times i’m looking through 5,000 songs i’ve practically never seen before. guided by voices? i’ve now heard of them. the white stripes? i now know more than 3 songs by them. the hives? well, still never heard them, but i can listen to them if i want to! i am now music literate, or am about to be.

those of you trying to call me lately? i can’t hear you, the pod has been working overtime.

those of you who don’t own one? i was there, i feel for ya.

with a little help from my friends

lets see. my weekend involved drinking, to be sure. it also involved lots of drinking. the weekend was spent somewhere in, on, or around ludlow, vt.

there was also good food, good conversation, good costumes, good games, good music, good laughter, good reading, good weather, and good fresh air. i’ll be honest, there was also good sex. good sex as in it happened in, on, or around a bathroom floor, toilet, tub, sink, and primarily the bathroom door. but since i wasn’t the one actually experiencing the good sex i can only imagine this.

lots of friends, lots of good times, lots of good one-liners that had me cracked:

“suck on the tongue till i say stop”

“if you want i can drop my pants and you can smell my underwear instead of hers”

“i’m not sure i prepared for underwear sniffing tonight”

“this beer smells funny..........but damn is it good”

“i just remember being propped up on a fence and getting chowed..........and that was good”

“you know when you’ve just shit and you don’t get a clean sweep on the first try?”

“she’s not going to come over with her shirt full of boob again if you keep that up.”

“frig, i’m never falling asleep. they need to make a counteractive redbull...........like, deadbull.”

during the beatles costume theme night i may have seen the following cast of characters:

lovely rita meter maid (and boy was she lovely)
lucy in the sky with diamonds, at least 3 of them (just as lovely as rita)
lion (i think the lion ate the eggman, the piggies, and the blackbird, because i never saw them)
a walrus (and a very horny walrus at that)
a rich man with a bag of money (and baby he was rich. he lost the bag of money though, to bad he keeps all his money in the brown bag)
maxwell and his silver hammer (myself)
some norwegian wood (eyelashes = cool, the green skin = scary)
father mckenzie (nobody heard his sermon)
octopus (he got naughty with those tentacles)
nowhere man (never actually saw him)

the theme for truth or dare was naked. also, apparently i was the only one that didn’t get the memo about not wearing any underwear on sunday night. i soon realized myself and one other person were the only ones wearing underwear that night. that makes 2 of 20 people wearing underwear..........impossible odds realized.

a sampling would include -

a man hunting/gathering leaves. then eating the leaves. all while wearing the tightest underwear you could ever imagine, with someone’s thong worn over the underwear.

the singing of the national anthem, with no pants/no underwear.

person we all (apparently) wanted/needed to see naked most: merkle you silly thing you.

thoughts on thoughts

you know when you want something really bad? like really really bad?

but then you start to think. and you can’t stop thinking about it. and you get to the point where you only think about it and nothing else.

and what you think is this: maybe you either want it really bad or you want nothing in the world more than not to have it.

you get to the point where you think that you want it more than anything in the world, yet the last thing on earth that you could possibly want is it. and then how is this even possible?

and what you think is this: why is it ok to either have it or not have it? how is it possible to be happy either way?

you get to the point where you’ve convinced yourself that you can live without it and might even find some kind of happiness in not having it.

and what you think is this: am i the only person like this?

you get to the point where you’ve convinced yourself that you’re the only person in the world like this. and isn’t there some kind of goodness in knowing that? don’t you feel special? privileged? happy? or do you feel depressed?

you start living and living the idea that maybe this all doesn’t matter in the long run. maybe its not worth the time to think about. maybe its not worth the energy to stress about.

you start asking yourself how it could be possible to be so divided and be ok with it.

you start thinking about how something like this will never happen and that it should be impossible to be so divided on how to feel about it. you feel a guilty happiness, you feel a certain depression.

and next day you go through the same thing.

over.

and.

over.

do i know you?

i was standing in line waiting to buy a ticket at the movies this week. ahead of me in line is this girl that i think looks familiar. it takes me a few minutes to convince myself that i’ve seen her before. but i can’t figure it out and just let it pass. 5 minutes later i find myself sitting just behind and to the right of her in the same movie. during the entire movie i was bothered by the fact that i couldn’t place her. what bothers me more is that she has seen me, we’ve made eye contact, and most likely she can’t place me either because otherwise she might have said hello. both of our brains are on freeze, temporarily out of order. we’re both sitting and watching a movie knowing this.

after the movie i of course avoid all possible contact with her because i’m too embarrassed to ask her where i know her from, and i get the feeling she’s feeling the same thing. no luck, because ten minutes later i’m waiting for my train and see her on the platform across from me waiting for the same train. fuck fuck fuck fuck! why is this happening?! remember her already!

we both know enough to get on different cars.

next morning i’m at starfucks ordering my wake-up juice. i swear she’s in there reading at one of the tables. i met impossible odds. why do i always get these odds in the worse situations? i’m tired and i’m annoyed that the issue has carried on to the next day and i’ve still been unable to think of where i know her from.

i put cream in my wake-up juice, with my back to her. but i get tapped on the shoulder and i close my eyes saying to myself “great, here we go.” i turn around to her saying exactly what has been going through my head – how she thinks she knows me and doesn’t know where from, yada yada. yeah! i’m not alone! there are other people out there just as forgetful as me!

only its kind of sad because it turned out we couldn’t find any common element from school, work, friends, or where we live. nothing matched.

we’re both still standing there kind of dumbfounded. we were both sure that we knew each other from somewhere so how can we not find where it was from? this is just insult to injury at this point. some kind of mean trick god is playing on us, and for what reason?

that’s it. we parted ways after laughing at how ridiculous the entire situation was. most unusual.

i’m definitely going mad soon if:

kate hudson doesn’t come over and have sex with me again soon

someone doesn’t explain the “these doors do not recycle” sticker on all the red line doors

i don’t listen to some new music at work

i don’t learn how to use an apostrophe

W doesn’t drop dead

i don’t figure out how mass ave goes through harvard square

i don’t see something spontaneously combust

i don’t get to read the long walk this summer

some elite government agency doesn’t contact and hire me soon to do something hush-hush and illegal and important and covert

i don't find out why a company in brookline is called Deathwish Piano Movers

this muffin i’m eating crumbles onto my pants one more time