a visit with my doc

i was feeling like it was about time to visit the doc a couple days ago. so i called for an appointment. they told me maybe in a year they’d be able to fit me in or else come in and see a nurse today. i said fine, schedule me for next week or next year, or whatever the fuck is most convenient its only cancer that i have, no biggie. two hours later i get a call and its my doc. he says “raz! haven’t seen you in awhile, what’s this appointment they have you scheduled for in like a year and two days from now?” i tell him i know i have skin cancer and wanted to get it checked out, he says “no problem, why don’t you just stop by in like an hour or so, i can make the time.”

its so awesome i have a cool doc.

understand my doc: he’s like 22 years old, no shit. he gets bullshit about his age all the time though, so i don’t give him much of it myself. he also walks around with his tablet pc and headphones on all the time. he gets into the office and says something like “man, i just started listening to stereolab and can’t stop!” a cool doc, for sure.

so i’m in his office and we’re shooting the shit, mostly about how the yankees suck and how jeter blows a big one. we talk about the sucking and blowing of the yankees for about 5 minutes, then we get down to the real biz:

doc: so speaking of sucking, you suppose jeter gets sucked and blown by like every smokin blonde honey in ny, or what?

raz: for sure. and i bet the same is the case for a-hole or a-rod or whatev the hell they call him. he’s married and shit, but i’m sure his wife understands. i mean think about it, the situation is perfect really, some sox-loving yanks-hater yells out that the yankees suck, jeter or a-rod turn around and yell back to them that maybe they should suck them. and before you know it, well......you know........lots of sucking and blowing.

doc: right. fuck man, those yankees just suck don’t they?

later he takes out a microscope of some sort and checks out the skin cancer i think i have on my face. i point to where it is, he gives a once over and says “you mean this pimple here?” ha ha doc. no, not that, but the slight discoloration right next to it. “ah, right, kind of looks like a pimple though doesn’t it?” yes, yes it does, as if i need more pimples. then he says “did you ever see that seinfeld episode where george has that slight discoloration he’s all worried about?, hee hee, that one was funny.” not finding this a laughing matter just yet i kind of give him a hesitant eye. he says “oh i don’t think you have cancer if that’s what you think. i’m fairly sure its called something i can’t pronounce but starts with t and ends with sia. its benign, for sure, but you’ll have it for life unless you fall into money sometime soon and want to have it removed via laser surgery.” excellent, this is what i want to hear and i say “so you’re telling me i don’t have skin cancer but i’m going to have a pimple-like blemish on my face for life? i think i can deal with that.” he suggests i invest in some good foundation to cover it up if i’m all that worried about appearance, but he kind of smiles as he says this.

i’m basically happy with my appointment: 15 minutes with my doc confirmed i don’t have skin cancer and that the yankees do in fact still suck, but that jeter and a-rod could use this battle cry to their advantage.

get yourself a cool doc, its worth it. and if you live around me i’ll have to give you his name, he’s more than worth it.