dear in-n-out burger:
you make some rockin burgers. some rockin burgers. those fries aren’t bad either. better than mcfucktards and certainly better than burger ass-king.
had my first experience with your heavenly burgers almost two months ago. i’ve dreamed of them every night since. i daydream about them at work. i cry for them every night.
i live about 2,700 miles from the nearest in-n-out burger. and don’t think i haven’t looked at plane tickets from boston to phoenix just so i can appease my mouth. its a crying shame you don’t have any up in my neck of the woods. why don’t you? please get on that. start building, soon. please? how do you expect me to survive? you think you can just build the best burger joints in america then make them unavailable to everyone east of the mississippi? we like burgers too you know. ever think of that? didn’t think so.
i like the menu. very simple, very straightforward, very nice idea. what did i have like 3 choices? hamburger, cheeseburger or double cheeseburger? totally cool. but i hear from the regulars that you can get some special shit, you just have to know the special password. even cooler. i dig your style dude.
i hear you pay your managers like 6 figures to run the joints. i hear you give actual benefits to your employees. its no wonder the place looked so clean and professional and clean and chipper and clean and perfect and clean and clean.
i hear you don’t franchise out your burger joints. good idea, don’t sell out. but how the christ are you ever going to build enough joints to reach the east coast before i die? ever think of that? didn’t think so.
have you thought of mail order then? figure out a way to send me a fresh warm burger and fries in the mail, immediately. i can handle getting my own milkshake, you worry about that other part.
i better see those new stores opening and spreading to the east coast like wild fire. hire me to figure out how that can happen or figure it out yourself, i just don’t care, but do it soon. every day i think of how many thousands of satisfied customers you’re serving, and not one of them is me. make one of them me and make it soon. you’ll own my paycheck if you start busting open those stores ‘round here.
i want to in-n-out just once more. give me one more go, just once more. once was not nearly enough. help me help you.
hoping to be in-n-out soon,
raz
you make some rockin burgers. some rockin burgers. those fries aren’t bad either. better than mcfucktards and certainly better than burger ass-king.
had my first experience with your heavenly burgers almost two months ago. i’ve dreamed of them every night since. i daydream about them at work. i cry for them every night.
i live about 2,700 miles from the nearest in-n-out burger. and don’t think i haven’t looked at plane tickets from boston to phoenix just so i can appease my mouth. its a crying shame you don’t have any up in my neck of the woods. why don’t you? please get on that. start building, soon. please? how do you expect me to survive? you think you can just build the best burger joints in america then make them unavailable to everyone east of the mississippi? we like burgers too you know. ever think of that? didn’t think so.
i like the menu. very simple, very straightforward, very nice idea. what did i have like 3 choices? hamburger, cheeseburger or double cheeseburger? totally cool. but i hear from the regulars that you can get some special shit, you just have to know the special password. even cooler. i dig your style dude.
i hear you pay your managers like 6 figures to run the joints. i hear you give actual benefits to your employees. its no wonder the place looked so clean and professional and clean and chipper and clean and perfect and clean and clean.
i hear you don’t franchise out your burger joints. good idea, don’t sell out. but how the christ are you ever going to build enough joints to reach the east coast before i die? ever think of that? didn’t think so.
have you thought of mail order then? figure out a way to send me a fresh warm burger and fries in the mail, immediately. i can handle getting my own milkshake, you worry about that other part.
i better see those new stores opening and spreading to the east coast like wild fire. hire me to figure out how that can happen or figure it out yourself, i just don’t care, but do it soon. every day i think of how many thousands of satisfied customers you’re serving, and not one of them is me. make one of them me and make it soon. you’ll own my paycheck if you start busting open those stores ‘round here.
i want to in-n-out just once more. give me one more go, just once more. once was not nearly enough. help me help you.
hoping to be in-n-out soon,
raz
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