i’m definitely going mad soon if:

kate hudson doesn’t come over and have sex with me again soon

someone doesn’t explain the “these doors do not recycle” sticker on all the red line doors

i don’t listen to some new music at work

i don’t learn how to use an apostrophe

W doesn’t drop dead

i don’t figure out how mass ave goes through harvard square

i don’t see something spontaneously combust

i don’t get to read the long walk this summer

some elite government agency doesn’t contact and hire me soon to do something hush-hush and illegal and important and covert

i don't find out why a company in brookline is called Deathwish Piano Movers

this muffin i’m eating crumbles onto my pants one more time