dear victoria's secret,

well shimmer me sexy.

you need to stop, stop, stop, stop. i think you’ve got me way too hooked. those semi-annual sale commercials are driving me crazy. or maybe its the body by victoria promotion you got going now that has me captivated. i can’t keep track of all your ads, but frankly i guess it doesn’t matter, long as you keep those models staring at me through the tv. you gots models that are out of this world. out of this world. that's no secret.

are your print and tv ads for men or women? do you have those hot models on the boob tube just so all us guys go wild and start talking about them like all the time and start posting about them on the web and women listen read and get all jealous and shit and rush out to your stores and buy all that lingerie just to satisfy their men because because? please please please tell me i’m right.

so does the “it’s back” promotion have anything to do with a woman's actual back? i’m a guy, i’m clueless. maybe i’m paying too much attention to the women instead of what you’re trying to say in the commercials. if not then what is the “it’s back” really all about?

i’m not so sure about your (new?) clothing line. i like the whole keeping everything you sell very secretive and sexy and sexy and sexy. what’s with the new pants and shirts? i’m sure you can make some pants that show some nice form in the you-know-what-area, but what’s so secret about them? and do you really sell sweaters now? how is a sweater staying with your image as tight fitting, sleek, smooth, sexy, and body shaped? i say stay with the bras and panties, maybe the swimwear, the sleepwear can stay, the beauty products can stay, but the clothing and shoes may need to be re-thought a bit.

does tyra banks just get younger every year? hasn’t she been modeling for you for like 10 years? isn’t she only like 25? my god that woman is hot as hot and whatever you do don’t lose her, she’s your bread and butter.

and you know what i hate? – when you walk by one of your stores and you kind of peek inside and try not to stare too much because you think there are a bunch of women in there just waiting to tell you to piss-off and leave them alone. how its the only store you really want to go into out of the entire mall, yet you can’t because you’re too scared? how you know that if you walk in you’ll see a parade of women just walking around in push-up bras and demi cups and seamless bras and no wire bras and miracle bras and v-string panties and thongs and low rise panties and bikinis and oh my god i’m turning myself on right now. how you know they’ll ask you for your opinion and if they feel like the right size and, well, maybe i went too far.

or, you know what i wish i could hate? when you actually get the courage to go in a store and you’re looking for something real sexy for your real sexy and you haven’t a clue the fuck to do. you’re in a store filled with bras and panties and you just freeze because there’s so much naughtiness surrounding you. you feel like you just woke up in a dream because you’re face to face with panties and bras and women and women and more women asking you if you need any help and if you can describe the physical characteristics of your naked girlfriend to them and if her boobs are kind of like this and now you’ve got us just where you want us because we’re frozen and your employees are throwing handfuls of naughty lingerie into bags and this kind of perfume and that kind of body lotion and we just hand you our credit cards and get the shit out of there because we’re so scared and confused and excited and sexed and and.

you know?

oooooh boy. you got me going there. but really, you’ve got a good thing going, my hat is off to you. you’ve got one of the best brands out there, just as long as men keep on finding women sexy. so....... basically you’re set for awhile.

loving your angels forever,

raz