great scott

one time i met this really cool girl.

she's kind of famous. like she has now been a little more than an extra in like 3 movies kind of famous.

one of the movies was even good.

and semi-popular.

and good.

i can’t give any real clues as to who she is because she’s famous and all. or at least plans to be. she said to keep it anonymous in here.

and you know this isn’t going to be a lie because how could i make this shit up?

anyway, i just have to tell you about the time she was auditioning for Boston Public, the tv show.

i had (actually) run into her in the boston common one afternoon. i was walking towards the loews theatre and was watching the tennis players at the public courts, sizing them up, checking out their form, you know. she was coming from the other direction and studying a map. we collided and my ice coffee went everywhere. this has now put me in panic mode because the movie starts in 10 minutes and the nearest ice coffee is at fucking donuts, which i can’t stand. we both say we’re sorry and shit and that it was both of our faults and how we’re both fucked because we’ve got starbucks all over ourselves and places to be. she tells me about her audition and how this was her big break and now its ruined. i tell her about the movie i’m about to see and that my chances of making it on time are ruined. she looks at me kind of funny. then i remember what she said to me and quickly try to fix the situation. i tell her to send me the dry cleaning bill and start to write down my address for her. she starts to calm down a bit and i ask her if she’s been in any other movies or tv shows. then she tells me about her upcoming role in laurel canyon starring beckinsale and bale. i give a puzzled look because it sounds interesting but only because of kate oh-my-god-are-you-so-beautiful beckinsale. she immediately recognizes the puzzled look and stares back with eyes that say “i know she’s pretty, but i am too, no?” then we talk about the movie for a bit and she tells me a bunch of stuff that only someone working on the movie would know. like how christian bale snorts cocaine like all the time and even tried to hit on her. this is fascinating shit to me and i want to hear more but she has to get to the audition that she won’t land anymore because of my coffee. i apologize again and remind her to send me the bill. she says she will. i go to the movie, she goes to her audition.

very much later that night:

i’m in my apartment back in JP bullshitting with my roommate about how i still don’t have a job and that i’m getting desperate and shit. then the doorbell rings. funny because we don’t know many people and they wouldn’t be just randomly stopping by, especially this late. we do a quick rock/paper/scissors to see who gets it (we live on the third floor and its a long way down).

i lose and i’m scared. the last time i answered the door this late at night it was a cop who wanted to question me about the man laying on our steps with a knife in his stomach. i told him i didn’t have a clue and asked him who was going to clean up all the blood. he told me to call my landlord about that and joked that maybe i could clean it up for him and get a reduction in rent for the month. ha ha, very funny stuff.

so i’m not exactly thrilled to be opening the door right now. but when i get there i find it to be the woman i ran into at the common earlier. wow! i’m all happy and shit and show it because i can never be suave. she tells me that she bombed the audition and that she wants to get drunk and stupid. and since i’m the only other person she knows in boston i guess i’m the one who has to take her out. that and it was my coffee that may have ruined her chances. she puts forth a winning argument and we head off to tripple d’s just down the street. a few hours later she confesses that she actually slept with christian bale and that she’s not 27, she’s 35. this is all just blowing my mind. i mean she slept with an actor?! a famous person?! i don’t know anyone who has slept with anyone famous and this is cool. wait, did she say 35? 35 is like 20 years away for me and i tell her. she gets all “holy shit you are so young and now i want to fuck you so bad” on me. i tell her to keep it down and that maybe we should leave before we get kicked out (which may have been a slight lie because tripple d’s encourages loud and obnoxious behavior, along with fighting).

we’re back at my place and she tells me that i have to carry her up my stairs because i just have to.

now we’re standing in the living room and she’s got her hands all over me. i’m still playing hard to get though because that’s just my style. my hard to get play usually works for like 2.2 seconds.

now she’s got her hands down my pants and she knows she has control. women are so evil. she did the whole biting at my shoulder and neck and gasping in my ear while she guided my hands up the front of her shirt.

and then she complained that it was getting hot. i told her my room has the a/c and she leaves a trail of cloths in the hallway on the way to my room.

loud.

very loud sex.

loud as in i had the stereo blasting and i was still worried that the neighbors would be getting off just listening to her scream. loud as in i knew the roommate was awake, if not from the screaming then from the vibrations that were shaking the entire apartment. but he’d understand.

it was incredible and we both knew it.

an hour later we’re both just laying in bed dripping with sweat because it turns out i didn’t actually have a/c in my room. apparently she doesn’t even recall the fact that i told her i did because she tells me how cool it is to be all sweaty and slippery.

minutes later we’re asleep.

and if i told you the details of the sex we had the next morning she’d never call me anymore.

and i need her to call me to tell me what movie to watch for her in next.

i like it when she does that.